yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize