I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize