So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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