I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
