Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
