remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
