OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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