I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I deserve this hangover.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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