He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
