i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
