Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
