lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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