Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
