as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize