I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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