i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize