so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
A+ Viking dick
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
