My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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