It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Found the puke drawer
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
