Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
