Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
