Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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