shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
