ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You ruined the universe
My life is pants optional.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
