what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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