People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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