the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
