He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
