Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize