Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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