Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
