my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
