she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
