no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I could make wine with my vomit
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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