She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
