My balls are so social today.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
