Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
