hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
