went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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