Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
