i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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