and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i was born a porn star she said
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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