Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
