two words: eviction party
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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