My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
