i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
