i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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