About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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