just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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