He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
