maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
