yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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