I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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