Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
