Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
