Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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