i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i dont even know how to be here
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
