so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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