ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
