Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
