Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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