Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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