tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
