thus making me awesome and them whores
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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