so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
