In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
