I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
