what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I understand Curling. That high.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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