Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
